ROLE MODEL

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Growing up- watching and learning

its you that I saw

Its you that I imitated

your ways initiated

into my lifestyle

I looked to you for guidance and advice

little did I know that they were lies

My purpose to fill your shoes

left me little else to choose

after a while I got this feeling in my heart

that what you’ve been doing isn’t smart

but its not like I can thwart… my big brother?

God wasn’t at your center- like the sun,

we were planets- revolving around ourselves

I waited to see if I could create a hybrid

between you and what I thought was right

Justifying everything I did

so you’d be proud but still hidden from God’s sight

Premarital sex

and alcoholism

smoking or whatever it is

Um, I had to choose

you can’t live in limbo

there’s no half way

God expects our all, check that in His dossier

The decision to go my own way

wasn’t easy so don’t fool yourself

You think it was easy for Christ to sacrifice Himself?

He had to trail blaze

to earn the scar in the shape of my face that stays

in the middle of both palms, let me rephrase:

*you’re not my role model anymore

not when following your steps

made me feel like a whore

not knowing that I deserved more

getting comfort from the world like you always did

I thought whatever you did was right, never to doubt

that you had foresight to know

that I was following just a few steps behind

tripping where you tripped

jumping where you jumped

falling where you fell

being pulled by temptation

being yanked by invitation

snakes twirling around me

keeping me bound and set in stone

this statue of a person who cannot be found

in this desert where your path led

“come, let the vultures be fed”

This path that we took

It split at a hook- you went straight and I turned

leading where my heart burned from regret and ache

Where God found me

not to forsake me, not to bound me

but to brake my chains and set me free

without a payment or a fee

immediately I was His benevolently

This is where love and redemption rained

acid rain eroding the statue, the pain
This is pure freedom-
not the free doom I was used to

Now I’m still following someone

He just looks a lot different than you

so brother

no longer a brother in Christ

but only by blood

If blood can even keep us bonded

the example you’ve set for me has bondage

I can’t set foot on that path

lest your bondage become my baggage

I already have bags and baggage

suitcase

backpack

purse

satchel

I don’t need your carry on

I bought a ticket on a flight

it already took off

the Ticket was crucifixion

the plane- salvation

and the bags are checked and gone through redemption

Brother, even you aren’t guiding me

I can see a plan unfolding- a path unwinding

I mean His light is bright enough, blinding,

that even though I haven’t a clue

I know exactly what I need to do

Unfortunately, that doesn’t involve following you.

My "Friend," Alcohol

My "Friend," Alcohol

HEY FRIEND!
you brought me into the spotlight
gave me a great time that one night
thanks for bringing me that one guy
you helped me not be so shy
Friend,
I probably did some things I shouldn’t have
Don’t worry, I wasn’t mad
at the time
How could I have been
when you brought out a new version of me?

oh but…
hey friend,
I don’t feel too hot
I don’t know if I’m sick or if I’m not
its not my stomach or my head
it’s my heart that hurts instead
friend,
I think you poisoned me
took away what was best in me
poisoned me: body and mind
these actions, they are not mine

Alcohol,
you made me
into someone I never meant to be

I watched what you did to my family
they weren’t themselves, benevolently
there for me…
you knew what you were doin
looking to ruin
and looting everything precious.

a contradiction
I think I want you… my body wants you
I have a conscious, who knew?
wait, its not a conscious, it’s a spirit
specifically the holy spirit
enveloping me
developing me
saying ‘whoa this isn’t right
don’t do that tonight.’
trying so hard to keep me accountable
when my sins become uncountable
but to God, they’re surmountable
He helps me overcome them

Alcohol,
my “friends” who like you
don’t know why I doubt you
“you’re not fun anymore”
was I really fun galore before?
When you, alcohol, were involved
no problems got solved,
you’d aggravate and agitate.
This is ridiculous,
I need a wake up call
I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to fall
into the clutches of something that touches
on everything I hate
God, just wipe away my pride
be the one thing that keeps me alive
fulfilling me from the inside
out.

God, you rescued the Israelites in exodus
come back for the rest of us
get me out of here, to the promise land
c'mon just give me a hand
a swift back hand from you, a slap in my face
would surely put me back in my place
why do those slaps, those rude awakenings
carry the sweetest of stings
although it seems like too much sometimes to handle
its better than me stumbling around carrying a handle
hey girl, lets party
we gonn go hardy and party like its ya birthday
the occasion? how about earth day?
looking for any excuse to drink
even if it means being pushed to the brink

the way that I'm being
is that appealing
to the king?
I'm thinking of the material
taking control over my life, managerial
when I should be selflessly serving the imperial
KING

If I’m not speaking with enough diction
I hope it doesn't affect your conviction
these things they bring restriction
I can't allow these addictions
to be the reason for a heavenly eviction
My heart and my body are a contradiction
my body acts with unabashed dereliction
but my heart, I can only think about Christ's crucifixion

He hung on that cross
with me in mind
knowing that I wouldn’t be blind
when flashing lights had me warned
against things that would have me harmed.
So that I could be satisfied,
he gave up his life
so I wouldn’t be denied
Like the woman at the well
you don’t hesitate to show me where I’m wrong
where only you can make me strong
showing me that I just need you all along
1 Corinthians 10:1 says I can bear it
that temptations cannot inhibit

Next time they say I’m ‘thirsty’
I will be
for living water

Beautiful Reflection

Beautiful Reflection

Like medusa I look in the mirror
I look, peer out of fear
what if I’m not pretty
enough?
Am I skinny
enough?
Are my eyes too big?
Hair isn’t straight…
what about my height?
I know I’m tall
my body isn’t right

Man, I could stare at that mirror
medusa would turn me into stone
for hours I could sit alone
staring and tearing
myself apart

Hair clothes knees and toes knees and toes…
these are things I should change
according to the media
there’s a certain set of criteria
a “pretty girl” should meet
often portrayed as a piece of meat
open up a magazine
turn on the TV
subtle pressures there
you would not believe
Well, Hollywood- I’m no size two
Can’t even fit into a size 6 shoe
according to you,
am I ugly?
according to you,
I must not be pretty
enough.

See you judge me
your pressures, they bludgeon me

the one who is imperial
He spoke me into life
and it was lyrical
with sweet breath
he made me in His image
hand painted this visage

the only time He’ll judge
at the foot of His throne
is on the day He’ll say he loves me,
Good and faithful one

I’m not going to stop caring
about what I’m wearing
Fine to be a fashion-ista
as long as it doesn’t beat ya
It becomes a problem when
that takes first place
when you try and photoshop
your face, your waist

God made you something
beautiful, each one not the ‘usual’
so why are we trying to fit
into a mold that’s labeled typical

You daughter of Zion,
of Jerusalem,
Jesus spoke to the lot of them
The son of the one
who dances in joy over you
takes delight in you says,
“You will have troubles in this world,
but take heart, I have overcome the world”
So who are you who should
pick apart the beauty of this world
which is
you
You beautiful creature,
who God created fearfully
yet you fearfully look into a mirror
while seeing the image of Him
Heed the images in that mirror
see past the things that make you fear

Take the boldness of Ruth
and wipe away the wrongful truth

Take the confidence of Ester
stop worrying about the things in the mirror that pester

Take the conviction of Rebekah
angels will sing of your beauty, a-capella

Take the devotion of Hannah
don’t doubt you’re as precious as the heaven sent manna

Use these monumental abilities
to embrace your unique qualities
see past what earthly men may judge
and seek the love of the Highest Judge.

So you, you there looking back at me in the mirror
You beloved jewel on the crown of the King
take what I say and hear
that God loves you beyond all years
Your beauty is not just on the outside
but infused from the inside
See your beautiful reflection
that mirrors not your faults,
but God’s eternal affection.